Chris Rock’s five funniest lines
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With a CV that includes Saturday Night Live, Everybody Hates Chris and roles in Lethal Weapon 4 and Madagascar, it’s no wonder Chris Rock was voted the fifth greatest stand-up comedian of all time by Comedy Central.
As the New York Times said, “He has established himself as arguably America’s most beloved — and most quotable — stand-up comedian.”
Here are five of those most quoted Chris Rock lines. Though we have had to tone them down a little…
On gun control
“You don’t need no gun control. You know what you need? We need some bullet control. I think all bullets should cost $5000. You know why? ‘Cos if a bullet costs $5000, there’d be no more innocent bystanders. Every time someone gets shot, people would be like, ‘Damn, he must have did something’.”
On the police
“l had a cop pull me over the other day, scared me so bad, made me think l stole my own car. ‘Get out the car, get out the ******* car! You stole this car!’ l’m like, ‘Damn, maybe l did!’”
On school
“Do you know how dumb you got to be to get left back in the first grade? It’s like, what’s four plus four? Jell-O!”
On Robitussin (a US cough medicine)
“That’s all we had when I was a kid: Robitussin. No matter what you got, Robitussin better handle it. I broke my leg, daddy poured Robitussin on it. ‘Yeah, boy! Let that ‘tussin get in there. Let that ‘tussin get on down to the bone!’”
On David Blaine
“Are we so desperate for entertainment that we fall for a trickless magician? Saw a lady in half. Pull a rabbit out of a hat. Do something. What’s his last trick? I’m in a box and I ain’t gonna eat. I’m in a box and I ain’t gonna eat? That ain’t no trick. That’s called living in the projects.”
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