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Fancy a freewheeling crime caper that hasn’t come from the pen of Guy Ritchie?

Welcome, then, to Botched, in which, to all intents and purposes, America is pitched against Russia and comes off the poorer.

“This horror comedy is clearly the splat du jour,” wrote Empire magazine, in praise of this gleefully scattershot debut movie from newcomer Kit Ryan.

Dispatched to Moscow by mobster Sean Pertwee to steal Ivan the Terrible’s crucifix, Stephen Dorff finds that little goes his way once on Russian soil.

First he finds himself trapped in a tenement with his own incompetent sidekicks, as a descendent of the Tsar picks them off one by one, only to be targeted later on by a psychotic assassin.

“The natural state of this film is disarray,” wrote the Guardian.

“So much so that there is a tragicomic quality to the way in which Stephen Dorff is shown picking his way through the wreckage of dropped threads and cheesy Ree-yussian accents, presumably in search of the career he left behind.”

True, this may not be the most accomplished crime drama of the 21st century.

But if you like your fun dispatched with wild abandon and an avalanche of comic book violence, then Botched pretty much does everything that can be expected of it.

“The emphasis is more on knockabout schlock than genuine terror,” concluded Empire, “and consequently the decapitations, impalings and dissectings have more of a guffaw than a grotesque factor.

“But the action rattles along, and it’s highly entertaining.”

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Tags: horror, On Demand, Sean Pertwee, Stephen Dorff

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